Shopping for clothes is such a different experience for men and women. Men can pretty much walk into the local Wal-Mart or J.C.Penney and, knowing their waist and inseam, walk out with a perfectly-fitting pair of jeans 15 minutes later, of which perhaps 30 seconds was spent agonizing over boot-cut or straight leg. For shirts, sweaters, or underwear, a simple small, medium, or large will do. Even “Big Man” sizes are easy to understand: XL, XXL, XXL, etc.
Not so for women. While the size ranges S-M-L are used, they can vary greatly from one store to another, or among brand names. In some establishments, a “Small” is designated as a 6-8; in others, a 4-6. And to make matters worse, these number sizes, which can range from the inconceivable size 0 (does this mean the person is invisible?) to sizes like 24 and up, have no known relationship to an actual measurement on a woman’s body.
For example, I wear a 10 or 12 or 14 in pants. There is nothing on my body that measures 10, 12, or 14 inches. Or centimeters, Angstroms, or radians. The size I buy can depend on the brand name, style, or desired fit. In general, the more expensive the line, the smaller the size required. Cheap pants equate to big size, expensive pants, small size. Doesn’t that make me feel good about spending that extra fifty bucks: I can get into a size 10, sometimes!
Bathing suit shopping is another matter. Most swimwear manufacturers say to size up one size when buying a swimsuit, while others say to go with your pants size. Due to the confusion about pants sizes already mentioned, that can mean a 10, 12, 14, or 16. And let’s not forget that there’s a top in that swimsuit, so if you are, shall we say, generously endowed above the waist, there’s that to consider. Some swimsuits come in cup sizes, like a bra, while others seem designed to hold something no larger than an egg in that area. Those must be for the size 0’s of the population.
And then there’s the ultimate in frustration, bra shopping. I try to avoid this particular pleasure/pain experience by purchasing at least half a dozen in different colors when I find a style that fits well. Unfortunately, what this means is eight months later the whole drawer full is ready to be replaced, so a trip to the lingerie department is required, like it or not.
Fitting a bra to a woman’s body involves two rather intimate measurements: first, measuring around the chest, under the breasts to get the band size. Take that measure and add 5 inches. Go down one inch if that number is odd, since bras come in even-numbered sizes only.
Then there’s the cup size, determined by measuring over the bust (breasts to you) at the fullest part. Taking this measurement can be either annoying or quite a bit of fun, depending on who is with you to do the measuring. More math is now involved: find the difference between these 2 measurements and follow the chart to get cup size.
0 = AA 1= A 2= B 3= C 4= D 5=DD etc.
Victoria’s Secret lists sizes from 30A through 40 DDD. Wal-Mart goes way past that in the larger sizes, as you might guess. Size 56 EEE: let’s not go there.
If you know your size you can usually find a couple of styles in that size in, say, the average J.C. Penney. So, I drag in as many 40C’s as I can find into the fitting room, and some 38 D’s and 40 D’s just to be on the safe side, and to avoid repeated awkward trips to and from the fitting room. Usually some fit, some don’t (too big, too small, too saggy, too perky, or too much padding, making one look like those pinups from the 1940’s). Then it’s back out to get more sizes or colors until agreement is reached between what you want to look like in that all-important above-the-waist area and the discomfort you can endure to achieve this goal.
Recently I became aware of a new device designed to more accurately determine one’s correct bra size. Found on the QVC Shopping Channel, the Bra Wizard Digital Bra Sizing System sells for $16.00 plus shipping. Battery operated ( 2AAA needed), it comes with a 10 page instruction booklet, or one can watch the video. Feedback from faithful QVC customers is negative; most said the device is defective, getting sized at AA when really a C or D. However, I noticed that there were no complaints from AA women being told they were a C/D. Yes, we are vain, are we not?
After all this trouble, a woman shouldn’t get upset when the nearest man stares at her chest 50 percent of the time when involved in conversation. At 90 percent, however, a quick slap upside the head is in order. And while it is well known that Howard Hughes designed a special bra for Jane Russell to wear in her film debut, Miss Russell later stated that it was so uncomfortable that she never wore it during filming, and Hughes never knew. Apparently a background in aircraft design and engineering does not qualify anyone, even a genius, to design ladies’ intimate apparel. I’ll stick to my tried and true Olga style #35090, and it better not be discontinued any time soon.
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